when x=1 then y="You know you're a redneck if : Your front porch collapses and kills more than six dogs. Less than half the cars you own run."
when x=2 then y="You know you're a redneck if : Your house has more milage than your car."
when x=3 then y="You know you're a redneck if : If you have appeared on TV more than 7 times just to explain a tornado."
when x=4 then y="You know you're a redneck if : Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Patrolman to kiss her ass."
when x=5 then y="You know you're a redneck if : If you go to a family re-union just to meet women."
when x=6 then y="You know you're a redneck if : Your family tree doesn't fork."
when x=7 then y="You know you're a redneck if : If you have ever financed your tatoo (two more payments, this tatoo is mine!)."
when x=8 then y="You know you're a redneck if : Your wife's hairdo has ever been caught on a ceiling fan."
when x=9 then y="You know you're a redneck if : Your mother has ever been involved in a fistfight at a high school sporting event."
when x=10 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill."
when x=11 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : The neighbors started a petition about your Christmas lights."
when x=12 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : Your brother-in-law is also your uncle."
when x=13 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since Smokey and the Bandit was snubbed for Best Picture."
when x=14 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : The rear tires on your car are twice as wide as the front."
when x=15 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : You consider True Story or Field and Stream deep reading."
when x=16 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : You prominently display a gift purchased at Graceland."
when x=17 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : You prominently display a gift you CLAIM was purchased at Graceland."
when x=18 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : The diploma hanging in your den includes the words, Trucking Institute."
when x=19 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : Your mother keeps a spit-cup on the ironing board."
when x=20 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader."
when x=21 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : The most common phrase heard at your family reunion is, What the hell are YOU looking at, sh1thead?"
when x=22 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : You think beef sticks and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups."
when x=23 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior."
when x=24 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : You think the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention ever."
when x=25 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand."
when x=26 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : Your matchbook doubles as a toothpick."
when x=27 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : Your richest relative needed help taking the wheels off his new house."
when x=28 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : You ever cut grass and found a car."
when x=29 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't."
when x=30 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : You think the stock market has a fence around it."
when x=31 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater."
when x=32 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : Your boat has not left the briveway in 15 years."
when x=33 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : Your wife has ever said, Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."
when x=34 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : You refer to the time you won a free case of motor oil as the day my ship came in."
when x=35 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen."
when x=36 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : The Salvation Army declines your mattress."
when x=37 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen."
when x=38 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : Your entire family has ever had to sit around waiting on a call from the Governor to spare a loved one."
when x=39 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave the bingo hall because of her language."
when x=40 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : Someone asks, Where's your bowling bag? and you answer, She's at home."
when x=41 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : Birds are attracted to your beard."
when x=42 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born."
when x=43 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial."
when x=44 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : You've ever hit a deer with your car.....deliberately."
when x=45 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : You've ever given rat traps as gifts."
when x=46 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : You clean your fingernails with a pocket knife."
when x=47 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : Your coffee table used to be a cable spool."
when x=48 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table."
when x=49 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice."
when x=50 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat."
when x=51 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : Your mother has 'ammo' on her Christmas list."
when x=52 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : Every socket in your house breaks a fire code."
when x=53 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : You've totaled every car you've ever owned."
when x=54 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : There are more than 5 McDonald's bags currently in the floorboard of your car."
when x=55 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice."
when x=56 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys."
when x=57 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : The tail light covers of your car are made of red tape."
when x=58 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : You think a subdivision is part of a math problem."
when x=59 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : You've ever bathed with flea & tick soap."
when x=60 then y="You Know you're a redneck if : You think 'taking out the trash' means taking your inlaws to a movie!"
when x=61 then y="A Southern Redneck's Seven Course Dinner: Possum and a six pack!"
when x=62 then y="How do You Know a Redneck? The child calls her father 'Uncle Daddy'"
when x=63 then y="Redneck foreplay: Get in the truck, bitch."
when x=64 then y="Redneck foreplay: (Nudge) 'Are you awake?'"
when x=65 then y="Redneck love -- It's a Family affair."
when x=66 then y="Redneck marriage proposal.........YER WHUT!!??????"
when x=67 then y="Redneck pickup line: Hey, you look like my sister."
when x=68 then y="Redneck: (n); a person whose family tree doesn't fork."
when x=69 then y="URA Redneck if you keep your thermostat on 85 in the winter."
when x=70 then y="URA Redneck if Bill Clinton is the most intelligent man you've seen."
when x=71 then y="URA Redneck if Hilary Clinton is the prettiest woman you've seen."
when x=72 then y="URA Redneck if Jack Daniels makes your list of admired people."
when x=73 then y="URA Redneck if Redman Chewing Tobacco sends you a Christmas card."
when x=74 then y="URA Redneck if after making love you ask your date to roll down the window."
when x=75 then y="URA Redneck if all of your four-letter words are two syllables"
when x=76 then y="URA Redneck if common household phrase is 'Somebody jiggle that.'"
when x=77 then y="URA Redneck if directions to your house include 'Turn off the paved road.'"
when x=78 then y="URA Redneck if kudzu is in your family crest."
when x=79 then y="URA Redneck if less than half the cars you own run."
when x=80 then y="URA Redneck if taxidermist bill exceeds annual income."
